Ryftbreak Deities

Religion

The deities of Ryftbreak all represent one of six archetypes: sexy trash, exasperation, cute shit, shitty dudebro, stunts, and crafts and recipes. Outside of Greyhall, churches and temples are fairly informal, and even those that are devoted to a specific deity have space to allow for worshippers of all types.

The current deities of the pantheon are far removed from the primordials who created the earth, stars, and creatures, both sapient and savage. Those gods were old and warlike, and under their omniscience, the races of the world fought an endless campaign of eradication, all trying to destroy one another. But as hostilities softened and cultural ideals shifted, the old gods faded away to be replaced by a new generation of deities. The pantheon has experienced countless changes of this nature, with gods coming and going as quickly as the societal ideals they represent.

Sexy Trash Deities:

Gods who fall under this archetype are neither conventional nor classy. But fuck class and conventions, they’re living out loud and they don’t care what you think.

 

  • Graurv-Uund: This deity is typically depicted as a light blue-scaled dragon wearing giant fishnet stockings on their hind legs. Graurv-Uund is the patron deity of people who are DTF, and don’t care who knows it. Their adventuring followers, when faced with an opponent, tend not to ask ‘can I kill it’, but rather, ‘can I seduce it’. They are widely worshipped by the libertine communities of Grors-Tka, and by a few of the hornier residents of Ironroad and Füz’tyanni. Their clerics typically choose life and tempest domains.
  • Liebos: This deity is typically depicted as a raccoon anthro making a lewd gesture. They are the patron deity of the shameless; those unabashedly serve their own desires and the desires of others for fun and profit. They are also the patron deity of people who steal things from the garbage, but that is talked about less for some reason. They’re really hitting the ‘sexy trash’ thing right on the nose, I guess. A follower of Liebos is the type of person who will seduce a stranger, steal their wallet, use the money to buy all the cheap, day-old goods from every bakery in town, eat way too many stale cupcakes, then fall asleep in a dumpster. The clerics of Liebos typically choose nature and trickery domains.
  • Tiger Goth: This deity, unsurprisingly, is typically depicted as a tiger anthro in dark clothes and makeup. Theologians agree, she is the most powerful goth in the pantheon, and her sprinting speed over flat land can reach up to 40 miles per hour. Unlike most goths, she is a powerful swimmer, and her roar can be heard up to two miles away. Tiger Goth is the patron of people who want to get out there and mingle more, but have a hard time of it because their attitude and personal aesthetic are a bit much for people at first. Her clerics typically choose nature and death domains.

 

  • Arulya: This deity is typically depicted as a gator anthro in a cut-off tee and jorts. They are the patron deity of lying around all day, and only occasionally moving to go eat food. Followers of Atulya view cleaning as a sin, so they just let the mess around them accumulate until there is enough junk to make a little nest in. Arulya is one of the few gods who visits the mortal world for anything less than events of world-shaping significance, but they don’t test mortals or deliver prophecies or anything like that. They just like to find a nice secluded swamp to sleep in all day. Clerics of Arulya typically choose life and nature domains.

Exasperation Deities:

The deities of exasperation are fed up with all this stupid shit. They don’t even care any more. Just keep doing your dumb thing, but don’t expect them to help you when it all goes sideways.

 

  • Demund Draal: This deity is typically depicted as a wolf anthro. He is the patron deity of people fed up with ignorance and incompetence. Demund was once a mortal, who attained godhood through his mastery of the arcane arts. He spent his life gaining skill and knowledge, so he’s got no patience whatsoever for the lazy and willfully ignorant. His followers are taught to not even waste their time on people who don’t bother with basic science and common sense. If those people don’t want to learn, then there’s nothing you can do to teach them, so just let them be stupid idiots and live their stupid idiot lives. When the rest of the world moves on, those people will be left behind, alone and unheard, shouting their stupid shit into the empty void. Their clerics typically choose knowledge and tempest domains.

 

  • Surharak: This deity is typically depicted as a well-dressed orc. They are the patron of people fed up with small-talk. What’s the point? People just ask the same questions over and over, and you have to give the same answers again. And you’re just going to forget each other’s names anyway, so why bother? Plus, sometimes someone says something super dumb or awful and you lose a little faith in sapient kind. Their clerics tend to not give out their names, except to people who might actually need to know them, and in turn they do not ask for many names, and simply refer to other by whatever is easiest for them to remember. Clerics of Surharak typically choose trickery and knowledge domains.
  • Dregora: This deity is typically depicted as a hulking goliath, who is just plain sick of airline food. That’s not true; they’re actually sick of people who repeat the same old jokes and ideas like they’re still fresh and original. They are especially wrathful against those who repeat common misconceptions and spread harmful misinformation. Their clerics are religiously obligated to murder anyone who makes a “that’s what she said” joke, or any joke of equal or greater laziness and unoriginality. Clerics of Dregora typically choose light and knowledge domains.
  • Mimmilgam: This deity is typically depicted as a deep gnome in fancy formal clothes. They are the patron deity of people who are real fed up with people who should know better. Everyone has a friend or two who makes chronically bad life choices, even though they’re not a complete idiot – at least in theory. Worshippers of Mimmilgam are often the most responsible and levelheaded in their groups, and have a religious obligation to chastise their friends for doing dumb shit all the time. Clerics of Dregora typically choose life and knowledge domains.

Cute Shit Deities:

No one is exactly sure what role cute shit deities play in the pantheon, but everyone likes cute shit, so it’s fine.

 

  • Tekkal: This deity is typically depicted as a slightly embarrassed, pink-scaled kobold in a frilly dress. They are the patron deity of people who are really happy to receive positive affirmations and approval. Prayers to Tekkal typically start with a friendly compliment of how good they’re looking today, and how great of a job they’re doing as an all-powerful being. Clerics and paladins of Tekkal wear feminine dresses and accessories, regardless of their gender. They typically choose light and life domains.

 

    • Skochi: This deity is typically depicted as a mouse anthro, who is frequently smooching on their girlfriend, Atta. The pair are the patrons of romantic love, and Skochi is the patron of people who are protective of their friends and loved ones. Followers of Skochi will murder anyone who speaks ill of their besties, or at least say they will so that everyone knows they’re serious. They’ll probably at least mess a fool up though. Clerics of Skochi typically choose life and nature domains.
    • Atta: This deity is typically depicted as a cat anthro, who is frequently smooching on her partner, Skochi. The pair are the patrons of romantic love, and Atta is the patron deity of people who love their partners, but aren’t super weird about it in public. Followers of Atta know to keep their displays of affection tasteful, and know how to be romantic without making anyone uncomfortable. Clerics of Atta typically choose life and nature domains.

 

  • Laney: This deity is typically depicted as a goat anthro bedecked in flowers. He is the patron deity of people who don’t quite know what they’re doing, but are going to try their best anyway. Laney blesses those who go into new situations unafraid, and are willing to put in the effort, even when they’re in over their head. Clerics of Laney typically choose knowledge and nature domains.

 

Shitty Dudebro Deities:

These deities are the worst. Don’t even give them the time of the day. I swear, if one of you plays a shitty dudebro cleric, I will make all of your lives miserable.

 

  • Bubba Bruce: This deity is typically depicted as an overweight, middle-aged human man. In Greyhall, he is revered as chief among the gods. They say it was his big, dumb axe that cleft the continent of Ryftbreak nearly in two, and put an end to the war between the gods over their newly created world. Most other religions, however, assert that Bubba did that thing with the axe because he got super drunk, and the war between the gods was actually ended through reasonable discourse. Also, the dwarves claim that the axe does not actually belong to Bubba, but rather to their own god Flexbeard; Bubba just borrowed it and has not given it back, no matter how many times Flexbeard asks. Greyhall is dominated by organized religion devoted to Bubba’s worship, and devotion to him is mandatory. Clerics often find themselves in positions of power which they haven’t actually earned with their deeds or experience. Clerics of Bubba Bruce typically choose Tempest and War domains.
  • Evurs’sayl: This deity is typically depicted as a tall high elf man. He is the patron deity of people who loudly tell off-color jokes and anecdotes, much to the discomfort of those around them. Boundaries, dude. No one wants to hear that crap. Strangely enough, his clerics don’t seem to have a lot of friends willing to tolerate them. The last thing many hear before they die is “I swear, if you finish that sentence, I’m going to murder you.” Clerics of Evur’sayl typically choose light and knowledge domains.
  • Flexbeard: This deity is typically depicted as a dwarf dressed in a tank top and cargo shorts. He says that that’s because it’s traditional dwarven garb, but that’s a lie. He just likes showing off his calves and biceps, but no one is fooled. Flexbeard is the patron of bros who lift. If you’re a cleric of Flexbeard, you’d better be able to bench good. I know this  would be funnier if I had a specific weight, like two hundred or whatever, but I don’t care enough to find out what an impressive number to bench is. Imagine, basing your entire identity around the heaviness of a thing you can pick up and then put down. What the fuck is wrong with men? Clerics of Flexbeard typically choose life and war domains.

 

Stunts Deities:

Everyone has seen stunts in their life, but have you ever seen stunts of deific proportions? Clerics of these deities are always ready to put on a fuckin spectacular.

 

  • Ratical: Look, you get pretty much everything you need to know about this deity from the name alone. Are they typically depicted as a rat? Sure. Of course. Are they a skateboarder? Yeah, that’s a given. Do they have a cool ‘90s ‘tude? Obviously. Do clerics of Ratical typically choose nature and trickery domains? That one might have been less apparent, but yeah. Now stop bothering me with these terrible questions. I think I’ve said all I need to here.

 

    • Sparklequeen: This deity is typically depicted as a glittery white unicorn. They are the patron deity of style over substance. They look amazing all the time, and though their cool unicorn stunts are done with flair to spare, it is still some pretty basic beginner stuff. The uniform of their clerics is lots of sequins and glitter, and they strive for flamboyance in all aspects of their life. Clerics of Sparklequeen typically choose light and trickery domains. Whenever they cast a spell that creates light or deals radiant damage, that light is always rainbow-colored, natch.

 

  • Scrapes: Alright, enough screwing around. Let’s get down to the good stuff. This deity is typically depicted as a tiefling wearing a bitchin’ leather coat. She is the patron deity of death-defying stunts. Adventurers say quick prayer to Scrapes any time they have to leap off of a collapsing platform, swing on the riggings of a ship over shark-infested waters, or backflip down a corridor of poisoned arrow traps. Clerics of Scrapes typically choose death and trickery domains.

 

Crafts & Recipes Deities:

Everyone needs a hobby, and these deities bless those who dabble in creativity.

 

  • Grandma Sweaters: This deity is typically depicted as an elderly sheep anthro. She is the patron deity of knitting. Her knitted projects might be a little dated and ugly-looking, but they were made with love, damn it. You’ll wear them and appreciate them. Followers of Grandma Sweaters are typically older individuals, without a whole lot going on in their lives. Clerics of Grandma Sweaters typically choose life and nature domains.

 

    • Kid Needles: This deity is typically depicted as a young, rebellious bat anthro. She is the patron deity of knitting, but not your grandma’s knitting. She and her followers assert that knitting is cool again, and is, in fact, a pretty punk thing to do. In the hands of a follower of Kid Needles, yarn can be used for vandalism, disrespecting authority, and countercultural self-expression. Clerics of Kid Needles typically choose war and tempest domains.

 

  • Er’glap: This deity is typically as a frog anthro carrying around an armload of garbage. They are the patron deity of crafts made of repurposed old junk that would have probably been better off thrown away. Sometimes recycling can only be taken so far. That napkin holder or whatever doesn’t look good. It’s clearly made out of old bottles, and not nice bottles either. Do you really even need a napkin holder anyway? Does anyone? Clerics of Er’glap typically choose nature and life domains.

 

  • Orrum-Dron: This deity is typically depicted as a buff horse anthro wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon. He is the patron deity of recipes that you discover later in life which make your grandparent’s old recipe look kinda crummy in comparison. Look, maybe Gam-gam just wasn’t as great a cook as everyone says. You never really liked her quiche, and you thought maybe you’re just not a quiche person, but then you try this new shit, and it’s goddamn perfect. It has just the right amount of cheesiness, golden crust that isn’t dry, and some really interesting seasoning to offset the egg flavor. Clerics of Orrum-Dron typically choose knowledge and nature domains.